My Eyebrows Have Never Been Much to Talk About

Summary


It's Aug. 22, and you know what that means. It's time for my late- mid-thirdquarter-of-the-yearsummertime review of my personal accomplishments.

I could use this time to talk about my many contributions to society -- the millions (of well wishes) I've contributed to several local, national, international and interplanetary charities; the co- op I started for Martian hoboes, the unity of understanding I helped establish between Paraguay and its fussy little sister Uruguay; the field goal I blocked in my team's Super Bowl victory.

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Extract


My Eyebrows Have Never Been Much to Talk About

I will not discuss any of those things.

Instead, I will spend this valuable time discussing my most important accomplishment...

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